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I AM NOT A WITCH!!
by:Pox
2010/10/30

CONTROLS:

Move:arrows
Fire: a
pause: space
music off: m
sound effects off:n


During the month of October 2010, Christine O'Donnell made the rounds on the web after Bill Maher diffused a clip of her saying she dabbled into witchcraft when she was younger. Sadly for her, she's a member of the Republican Tea Party and the Christian Right and saying so that can hurt her reputation. That's why she came out with a campaign ad reminding everyone that she WASN'T a witch. Yes, THANKS FOR THE CLARIFICATION. Anyway I thought Halloween would be a perfect opportunity to get on the bandwagon and wail on this woman who is NOT FIT TO SIT ON THE U.S. SENATE. She's a Sarah Palin-like simpleton. DO NOT WANT.

Anyway, here's the complete guide to the game!

Win condition: You need to accumulate 10 000 000$ to win. You also need to have defeated the boss.

UPGRADES:

Frog
Cost: 20 000$
This little guy will ride on your broom and take one hit for you. Regenerates every time you die!
Cat
Cost: 35 000$
Same as the frog, BUT COOLER.
Owl
Cost: 50 000
Clearly the coolest pet ever.
Score 2x
Cost: 60 000$
Double all the points you receive!
Score 3x
Cost: 120 000$
Triple your points. Doesn't multiply with the 2x, it replaces it.
Score 4x
Cost: 300 000$
The fastest way to the top of the charts! Doesn't multiply with 2x and 3x, just replaces them.
Money 2x
Cost: 100 000$
Double all the cash you make!
Money 3x
Cost: 500 000$
Triple your cash. Doesn't multiply with the 2x, just replaces it.
Money 4x
Cost: 1 500 000$
You'll be done in not time with this! Replaces the 2x and 3x, doesn't multiply with them.
Extra Life
Cost: 100 000$
You're not getting anywhere without these!


ITEMS:

Pot o' Gold
HP: --
Points: 40*time
Money: 2000*time

Your primary way of gaining money. Stay in the target zone for as long as possible to get max points and cash!
Safe
HP: 5
Points: 3000
Money: 200*dollar signs

Crack these bad boys open to collect much needed funds for your bogus campaign!
Extra life
HP: --
Points: --
The rarest item of them all. Nets you an extra life, a 100k value!
ENEMIES:

Cliff
HP: --
Points: --
Don't ram into these!
Storm Cloud
HP: 3
Points: 100
Witches don't like water! Don't get Christine wet. You can touch the cloud, but don't touch the rain!
Jetpack Monkey
HP: 1
Points: 200
Scientists are cloning Monkeys. It's only a matter of time before they take to the skies!
Pterodactyl
HP: --
Points: --
As a creationist, Christine knows that dinosaurs and man have cohabited at some point. There's nothing you can do against this one, just avoid crossing its path when it reaches the same depth as you on screen!
Brain
HP: 10
Points: 300
Yeo, they're cloning mice with fully functional human brains!
I.R.S. Agents
HP: 2
Points: 240
When they're touching you, they're collecting 1% of your money per frame! That's a lot of moolah if you don't avoid them.
Obama
HP: --
Points: --
Just avoid getting shot down by this socialist bastard!!
Palinzilla
HP: 100
Points: 20 000
This is the motherload! There can't be 2 crazy witches at the helm of the Tea Party!
CHEATS/ SECRETS: There are no cheats in this game. But here's a little tip: if you're at 1 or less life, you can pause the game to buy a secret emergency life for 200 000$.

CREDITS:

Art / Coding by me.
Sound effects: The internet and some made by me.
Songs in the game:
In-game song: Hidden Path by Wajah

Main menu song: ~K4P~ 34 - short piece by Musical-Memoirs

Victory/Death song: Prepare Yourself by cerberusVII


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