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Different kinds of farts.
by:Pox
2008/11/09
I'm sorry.

Sonic Boom




Description: You know it's coming, but it just won't breach the barrier until the pressure builds up enough, then it explodes in one clean, dry boom.

Earthquake




Description:The lowest frequency attainable. Can only be achieved while sitting down. The energy of the expulsion must transmit itself directly from your buttocks to your seat, producing vibrations that everyone in the room can feel ( ideally).

Dog Whistle




Description:A normal fart that keeps rising in pitch until it becomes inaudible to human ears but causes neighboring animals to become agitated and/or aggressive.

Silent Killer




Description:Probably the most infamous fart of them all. Completely muffled and concealed by the author, but so pungent you can sometimes taste it.

Assault Rifle




Description:A series of many short consecutive farts. You can release them in small bursts of 3 or 4, or just go all the way and empty the entire magazine in one go.

Wetlands




Description:The most dreaded fart. Starts normal but quickly turns into a nightmare as you feel wetness between your cheeks that probably just destroyed your underwear.

Inferno




Description:This is the part where you regret taking that bet to eat 3 habanero peppers.

Half-n-Half




Description:When you make it to the toilet and have violent gassy spurts of diarrhea. You're releasing a mixture that is half shit, half gas.

Holocaust




Description:Usually occurs the morning after you've spent the night drinking. Your insides are all messed up from the dubious bar food and the beer still fermenting in you as you release half a dozen farts of increasing pungency over the course of an hour or so, transforming whatever room you're in into a deadly gas chamber.

Impossible Spiral




Description:No one's ever heard this one.

What's that smell?




Description:What is it? It doesn't smell like a fart. *sniff* GOD WHAT IS THAT? It doesn't smell that bad.. but it doesn't smell like food either...



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