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10 jobs that would rule.
by:Pox
2008/08/25
1. Beer Tester
What they do: Some approve new labels, some work for companies improving the product, some test the quality of breweries. Mostly though, they drink a lot of beer for free all the time while traveling all over the place enjoying good food and good company.

Why I want to do it: I like beer. I like weird beers. What's that? Banana beer? Cool, bring it over here. What? You put smoke flavoring in there? Are you retarded? Gimme some.

The Downside: Some brewers go way too far, and that's on the market. I can only imagine what some of the beers who don't make it must taste like.

2. Critic ( of any kind )
What they do: Get things for free and then write whatever they want about it so people read it.

Why I want to do it: It joins two things anyone loves to do: get free shit and complain. It's one of the easiest jobs EVER because all you're saying is opinions. 95% of anything a critic says is bullshit. I want that job. Movie critic, restaurant critic, beer critic, book critic. Whatever. Send me your free shit and if you're lucky I'll be nice enough to plug it with a couple compliments.

The Downside: No one takes you seriously and sometimes you have to write a lot more words than are necessary just to call something "a piece of shit".

3. TV/Movie Writer
What they do: Sit around all day deciding what a huge team of animators/actors/technicians/artists/whatevers will end up doing for the next couple months for your entertainment.

Why I want to do it: Who in the world doesn't think they could do a way better job than everyone else at writing TV shows and movies? How hard could it possibly be, seriously? The public doesn't know or care what the story is. All you need is a good team to back you up and the ability to not write horrible shitty dialogue like George Lucas and you're set, no one will ever know if you made a shitpie. Practically everything that requires a writer sucks on the idea level. Pick anything: plays, movies, commercials, magazine articles, news. Mostly crap.

The Downside: Sometimes you're part of a TEAM of writers, that sucks. Nothing worse than having to write other people's dumb ideas into what you're working on.

4. Male Porn Star
What they do: Well you know...

Why I want to do it: It combines your job and having sex so you can focus on more important things like your stamp collecting hobby. Some people have to spend 40 hours a week just working and then all their weekends trying to have sex, but you get that done in just a few days each week. Plus you probably have a big wee wee. Why not, eh?

The Downside: You get old eventually and need to get a real job. But what a ride!

5. High-Up Game Designer
What they do: Pretty much the same thing as a writer. Think of anything you want and have other people do it for you! Cool. Then you can play it and pimp it out as your brainchild like an ass.

Why I want to do it: If you're reading this on the internet then it's safe to say you've had an idea for a game at one point or another. If YOU made the next Mega Man, EVERYONE WOULD LOVE IT. Making a game is really hard work but if you're working at Konami and you're in charge of the next... whatever it is they do... then you have a team of 50 people coming up to you asking for your approval on every little detail. You can get artists to spend days drawing character concepts until you feel you've seen enough to pick one out. I imagine you spend the rest of your time in meetings while eating ice cream.

The Downside: You have to consider your budget and make cuts all the time due to time constraints and whatnot.

6. Radio DJ at a station that doesn't suck
What they do: Listen to good music all day while sitting around eating chips and taking calls from morons who you make fun of. Or better yet: be Howard Stern.

Why I want to do it: You just spend a couple hours each day talking, eating and pressing a couple buttons. Sounds like what Homer Simpsons does.

The Downside: You have to bow down to your corporate overlords and listen to way too many commercials. By the time you're heard the Mr. Muffler song 200 times you'll probably have gone insane, but that will only make you enjoy the job more.

7.General in a Good Army
What they do: I have no idea but it sounds awesome.

Why I want to do it: If there's a war, you're pretty much one of the only people who're guaranteed not to die. Also they have cool suits and one day you might get to see the Stargate.

The Downside: The amount of ass you must have to kiss to get all the way up there is probably frightening.

8. Photographer of fashion/nude models
What they do: Take pictures of hot people.

Why I want to do it: With the advent of phone and digital cams, I think everyone has realized by now that taking pictures is really fucking easy. Imagine if you owned a studio, had a 900$ camera, 5 assistants and one hot naked woman striking poses on a velvet bed. And with the advent of Photoshop, it's even EASIER! It's the one job where you can't possibly fail under any circumstance.

The Downside: You have to be gay. Doesn't work out for everyone.

9. Psychic
What they do: Lie to people for money.

Why I want to do it: Double duty: make morons poorer so they can't afford good healthcare or food and die sooner AND pull in tons of cash. All a psychic does is cold reading, i.e. you get some schmuk on the phone or whatever then say stupid shit like " I see an M.. is there an M?" until they go "YES I HAVE A DOG NAMED MAX!!!" and then you weave a bullshit tale about the dog's ghost or whatever. The point is that you make hundreds of dollars per day.

The Downside: You need to have no soul and a cold, black lifeless heart.

10. Ninja
What they do: They can use "throw" which deals like 9999 all the time.

Why I want to do it: I could equip dark blades and have a 100% escape ratio by using smoke bombs.

The Downside: Useless at magic.



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