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BADASS FLOWER SCULPTURES FROM THE BOTANICAL GARDEN
by:Pox
2013/08/25
This year I visited the Montreal Botanical Garden as they are hosting an amazing multinational exhibition of sculptural prowess!



Instead of talking more, I'll just show you what it was all about. How's that? Why waste time? Time you could spend looking at pictures and not reading. Reading things like this. Btw do any of you ever listen to call-in radio shows or podcasts with listener questions? Do all of them have to write that they love the show and that they will "try to keep it short"? They never keep it short. The very act of saying you're going to keep something short makes that thing longer. Look at how many lines I've written for nothing to explain why and how I was going to keep it short. QUIT IT GUYS SERIOUSLY. Pff.


This is the first exhibit you see when entering the park. They are called THE LEGION OF LEMURES.


That old lady sculpture is doing a crane kick.


Look at this chill goat, chillin'. Not illin' though. Just being a goat.


A sheep.

Yeah hold on to your hats these descriptions are not getting any better.


I think this one is called "HOBO HUNTING DOG WHICH HE WILL THEN CONSUME FOR SUSTENANCE."


This pose is how you appreciate art. If you don't take this pose, you aren't fully understanding the artist's vision.


Here we have the sexistly-named "ladybugs". Damn patriarchy, oppressing women by naming insects after them and then making sculptures out of plants to remind women about glass ceilings and lower pay.




I love the texture of these butterflies. They look like they're made of green banana bread. I wish all butterflies had wings this thick. Wow I really would waste a lot of wishes if I had a magic lamp...





When I saw these I thought I would take a picture of every tree that has little balls dangling from them. That got old as I started noticing that every tree seems to produce some kind of ( probably poisonous) testicle-shaped fruit. Yes testicles, the only appropriate round thing to compare other round things to.


Isn't it amazing how good even the shittiest phone camera is today? Taking a picture like this with old color film would have been a pain in the ass that requires spending money. So yeah this is why anyone who is a photographer today sucks and I hate them. <3


I think asians made this one. It makes sense. Turtle coming out of a piano with a waterfall. Sure.


This dog sitting alone by himself on an old timey train platform probably has a story that's way too sad for me to tell.




THE QUEEN OF CRANES. One day she will unleash them upon the world so they can harvest our souls. In the meantime, look at how pretty this is.


Some kind of thing about peace and love or whatever. Real original. Pf. I make way better plant sculptures...... .. :(

:(


INTERLUDE: The little Japanese garden area thing.


Inside all the secrets will be revealed...


Yes, "10:00 to 10:45: Story of Chopsticks". I CAN'T WAIT TO LEARN ABOUT CHOPSTICKS FOR 45 MINUTES.


While the sculptural exhibit is ongoing, they're kind of letting the japanese gardens go. The water is all green and gross.


Now we come to the moss area. This is a moss raccoon. It is very flammable and thus highly endangered and afraid of campfires.


These are MOSS MOOSES. MOSS MOOSE!!!


More flammable raccoons. I think the one on the right has cerebral palsy.


Cute little foxes. Wee.


The Deku tree


This one's really cool. Wooden horses.


One of the centerpieces of the exhibit. I have no idea what this is but doesn't it look cool? And wouldn't it be way cooler to use all this time, money and talent to make a giant sculpture of a gorilla fighting a dimetrodon?




A bird in the hand. Is a bird... in the hand. Yeah.






Cute little horseys.


So apparently this is a recreation of an old mosaic. Every part is a different fancy plant that was painstakingly collected and selected by plant nerds. Of course none of us really care. KNOW YOUR PUBLIC, PLANT NERDS.


I like this little guy. He's happy. And curious.


Gorillas. Probably something about conservation and loving. What have gorillas done for me recently? Huh? Besides this gorilla skull mug I am drinking my ground-up gorilla penis potency serum out of.


What's wrong? Sad that deforestation is threatening your environement? Well why don't you invent laser guns and jetpacks to fight back? HUH? Don't just sit there eating leaves. Man up.


Look at these bastards...


...Scheming... Looking like he's made out of thousands of hungry raven beaks just itching to devour my flesh.


A buffalo. Woo.




Of course, more cute things. Cute things made out of plants.


Frogs.


I took this picture of a kid being taken a picture of in front of a frog. There were endless droves of tourists taking pictures that day and I decided that they should be punished by me right here and now. So, little boy, you are a weiner. Hah. You have been RIDICULED.


YOU SHAL BE RIDICULED AS WELL, BACKWARDS BASEBALL CAP GUY. YOU ARE FAILING AT BASEBALL CAPS.


This is constipatoad.


He does not eat fiber, only bugs.


I borrowed my girlfriend's fashionable hat to bring you this fashion break, or "entracte" as the French call them.


A water buffalo. IN WATER!!! Will we ever stop being amazed?


A duck next to a bigger duck. Again if you're going to make any kind of crazy sculpture of a duck, don't pick a stupid mallard, the white bread of ducks.


This one is a super badass phoenix. I loved this one the most. It ironically also is flammable.


It's truly hard to convey the scale of some of these with pictures. They're massive.


Nemo. I found him. Wow. Phew. Disaster averted, clown fish are dangerously close to extinction. If we lose only 40 more billion of them, there will barely be 10 billion left.


Now we come to the centerpiece of the exhibit. This was the point at which our cameras died. Fuck. Lucky for you there's a video of the whole thing right here courtesy of the organisers!



It was a lot more impressive in person and our pictures would have PROVEN THAT. Dumbass cheap phone. Btw what's up with that music? It sounds like the funeral of a Congolese space mechanic from the year 3000.

Well that does it for this exhibit! I will definitely check it out again if they come back to our city. Really amazing stuff. Better than REGULAR OLD BORING STUPID FLOWERS. NO ONE CARES ABOUT YOU, FLOWERS.

>:( *** I went back and got pictures of more of these yay:



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