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Rap Sucks.
by:Pox
2008/10/25
Ever notice how people complain that rap today isn't what it used to be? That now it sucks? Their only argument seems to be that the lyrics now are bad.

Well let me tell you a little secret: every time you base how good a song is solely on the merit of it's lyrics, you're in DEEP, DEEP trouble. As far as I can tell, there's no difference between your enjoyment of music and that of a deaf.

So I present you with an objective analysis of why rap blows ass.

Since I don't really know anything about rap from my years of wisely staying away from things that are shitty, I checked out a list of the "best" rap songs. I see a lot of names in there that come back over and over so I'll assume it's correct.
http://rap.about.com/od/top10songs/ss/Top100RapSongs_10.htm

I am limiting this to the top 25 because holy shit, my ears couldn't take any more. I didn't even get through a single song.

This is the list:
1.Common Sense - I Used To Love H.E.R.
2.The Sugarhill Gang - Rapper's Delight
3.Grandmaster Flash & The Furious 5 - The Message
4.2Pac - Dear Mama
5.Eric B & Rakim - Lyrics of Fury
6.Pete Rock & CL Smooth - They Reminisce Over
7.Nas - The World Is Yours
8.Audio Two - Top Billin'
9.Public Enemy - Fight The Power
10.Afrika Bambataa - Planet Rock
11.2Pac - Keep Ya Head Up
12.Boogie Down Productions - My Philosophy
13.LL Cool J - I Need Love
14.Dr. Dre & Snoop Dogg - Nuthin' But a 'G' Thang
15.The Notorious B.I.G. - Juicy
16.Jay-Z - Dead Presidents II
17.A Tribe Called Quest ft. Busta Rhymes - Scenario
18.Geto Boys - Mind Playin' Tricks on Me
19.N.W.A. - Straight Outta Compton
20.Wu-Tang Clan - C.R.E.A.M.
21.dead prez - It's Bigger Than Hip-Hop
22.The Pharcyde - Passin' Me By
23.MC Lyte - Paper Thin
24.Beastie Boys - Paul Revere
25.Talib Kweli - Get By

1. INSTRUMENTS

Might be important when making music. From what I can make out, they use one instrument: FruityLoops. I haven't heard a lick of guitars in that top 25. Not one drum solo that didn't sound like it was made using a mouth.Not any instruments really. Just endless looping of tiny beats. Horrible. The funny part is that there's sometimes 2-3 rappers per song. Wait, that's not funny, that's just tragic.

2. LYRICS

I personally couldn't care less about lyrics in a song, but since that's what rap is "about", then I think it's fair to take time out of my day to point and laugh. So I got the lyrics to the top 25 from that website, and here are my findings:

Word Instances
Pimp 6
MC 9
Motherfucker 11
Y'all 13
Bitch/Bitches 14
Rhyme 24
Cash/Money 34
Shit 34
Yo 35
Nigga/niggers/niggaz etc. 38
Fuck 39
Im 54
Things that aren't words ??? too many ???


Well that was pointless.

3. THEMES

While non-rap songs generally don't have very original themes ( i.e. 99% are about love), you can still see a sort of trend emerging here....

Title Drugs Crime/Cops/Jail Having Money Chubby Girls/ Many Girls Being Black Rapin'
Common Sense - I Used To Love H.E.R.
The Sugarhill Gang - Rapper's Delight
Grandmaster Flash & The Furious 5 - The Message
2Pac - Dear Mama
Eric B & Rakim - Lyrics of Fury
Pete Rock & CL Smooth - They Reminisce Over
Nas - The World Is Yours
Audio Two - Top Billin'
Public Enemy - Fight The Power
Afrika Bambataa - Planet Rock
2Pac - Keep Ya Head Up
LL Cool J - I Need Love
Dr. Dre & Snoop Dogg - Nuthin' But a 'G' Thang
The Notorious B.I.G. - Juicy
Jay-Z - Dead Presidents II
A Tribe Called Quest ft. Busta Rhymes - Scenario
Geto Boys - Mind Playin' Tricks on Me
N.W.A. - Straight Outta Compton
Wu-Tang Clan - C.R.E.A.M.
dead prez - It's Bigger Than Hip-Hop
The Pharcyde - Passin' Me By
MC Lyte - Paper Thin
Beastie Boys - Paul Revere
Talib Kweli - Get By

TOTALS: 12 16 13 6 15 14


So as you can see, they drink from a deep well of originality. Many of these stupid songs are about how it's hard to grow up in a house with only your mama while your dad is out being a gangster. Then about 3 words later they talk about how it's great to be a thug and how they hate the cops and they just have to turn to crime and drugs to get by.
Yes, how will you ever make it if you don't do drugs?

And seemingly, the goal of about 95% of black people, according to rap songs, is to stay out of trouble long enough to make it as a rapper.


Ok I'm bored with this now. If you can find anything redeeming about Rap, please let me know: poxpower@newgrounds.com


The best rap song ever.


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