If you're anything like me, you're tired of seeing the same crap sold online. Stickers? Really? I stopped
collecting stickers the same day I was old enough to play Mortal Kombat 2, on my 8th birthday. So finally, here's
the store for you! Where you can buy things you ACTUALLY WANT. Except with my colors on it and at a 15% markup!
FINALLY!
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ITEM # 712345 - FARTS IN A JAR
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PRICE: $15 ***UNLIMITED SUPPLY!
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For those days when life seems like a pointless, endless string of trials and complications. Crack one
open to liven up most of the atmosphere around you.
Comes in 5 different flavors!
-Morning Thunder
-Vegetarian's Delight
-Chocolate Rain
-Methane Mayhem
-All Dressed
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PRICE: $0.02 / each
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I love pennies! Pennies are great! I use them all the time! I can't believe I have to sell them
instead of holding up the line at the grocery store while I count up to $23.47!
Don't let this opportunity to stock up on pennies FOR MERE PENNIES pass you by!
Pennies bring good luck too.
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ITEM # 442 - THE PUNCHING BAG PUNCHING BAG
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PRICE: $200
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A great stress-reliever! Make your workout more dynamic with this piece of equipment featuring
something you'd want to punch all day long to help motivate you. Buffs your arms up twice as fast as masturbation.
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ITEM # 1231 - TRIVIAL PURSUIT: GUESS WHAT I'M THINKING ABOUT EDITION!
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PRICE: $32
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Tired of losing at this stupid game that was designed for people who listened in class? Then try
this version and wipe the smug grin off your smart friend's face as he struggles to guess: Are you thinking about cottage cheese?
Lebanon? Hercules? Some animal you've just made up?
Make the game more exciting by not counting all the times you'll correctly guess "sex" or "boobs" while you play with your buddies.
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ITEM # 22346 - DOUBLE KATANA
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PRICE: $325
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This baby is all business. No longer will you be frustrated opening up boxes containing swords
made with over 30% of blunt, undeadly handle.
This is a martial artist dream's come true!
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ITEM # 33462 - T-SHIRT SWEATSHOP
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PRICE: $2 000 000
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At long last: a level of customization that lets your imagination spread its wings! Make all the
t-shirts you want. Pick the color. Pick the size. Make it as big as a parachute. Make t-shirts for horses. Set the price!
Set the hours of your new employees! Chain them to their machines! Enjoy total immunity as the owner of this facility located
in scenic Bangladesh. No longer will you lose sleep over the question of what would happen if you neglected building
codes long enough for your death trap to collapse on your workers.
The answer is: NOTHING. Hooray.
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ITEM # 12512 - CUSTOM F-22 RAPTOR "THE SHOCKER"
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PRICE: $170 000 000 *limit 10 per customer
***free shipping to Iran!!!
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Wether it's for getting revenge for the crappy snacks on NorthWest Airlines or simply for commuting
to work, you can now do it at 5 times the speed of sound! Be the envy of all your billionaire friends as you breeze
by their Bugatti Veyron and beat them to the Burger King
drive-thru window.
Why "The Shocker"? Becase everyone who sees you in it will be SHOCKED! HA! HA! Also their eardrums will explode as you
break the sound barrier while pulling a Maverick over their beach house.
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