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10 Stupid Decisions From Movies
by:Pox
2009/01/09
Some movies have really stupid premises or endings that are based on impossibly stupid decisions by the main characters which we are supposed to take as normal/warranted.

DENIED!!

# 10 Bennett from Commando

Does it sound like a good idea for this guy:



To piss off this guy?:



The answer:HEEEEEEEEELL NO!



# 9 Back to the Future

Really? This is what you do with the monopoly on time travel for all eternity and the ability to turn garbage into infinite free energy? I have a better idea:


HEEEEEEELL YEAH


#8 Ghostbusters

What's the one thing Egon keeps saying about the guns? DON'T CROSS THE BEAMS. What's his brilliant suggestion to win the day? Cross the beams!

Who is this moron? Doesn't he describe the possible side effects of this as the end of all existence? Yes that's a chance I want to take! They wouldn't even nuke Godzilla But the first thing they try is something that has a pretty good chance to END THE UNIVERSE.This is basically like buying a lottery ticket that has a 50% chance of netting you 100 bucks and a 50% chance of killing you and your entire family.



# 7 Death Star 2 Engineers

Those guys are some hardcore slow learners. I can name 50 things they could have put in that stupid hole to prevent ships from flying into it.

- Sharp turns
- Smoke screens
- Steel girders
- Pepsi Billboards
- A fucking tarp
- Guns
- A small force shield
- A metal spike
- A human pyramid
- A door



# 6 Weird Science

Since I assume no one saw that movie, here's what happens in it: two geeks create, by sheer accident, with shitty 80's home computers, this woman...

... who, by 80's standards, is about 4 Jessica Albas. But that's not the best part: she's their slave and can grant their every wish. Basically Aladdin got Robin Williams and they got Carmen Elektra. Since they're two nerds, they get picked on a lot at school by these two little Corey Haim fags. So at one point, Lisa ( the woman ) starts a huge party in their house and the two bullies show up and, just by asking, get the two nerds to try and recreate another super-hot slave genie for them.

Woah, wait, what did I just say?

What?

For no reason, these two dipshits want to give their worst enemies the best thing that's ever been created.
That's like fighting terrorism by giving out free plane tickets.

I officially hate them.

# 5 Bicentennial Man

This is the story of a robot who wants to become human. So he adds more and more complex parts to himself, eventually gaining the ability to feel pain, taste, take shits and pop boners. But it has a terrible price: it means he has to die.

Oh wait, no, he actually COMMITS SUICIDE. Yeah, that's right, it's plainly stated in the movie that he can live forever. FOREVER. Not 100 years. Not 200. MILLIONS. Can you even imagine how amazing that would be? But he prefers to die because it means he's a REAL human. No, I hate you Asimov. Why make such a depressing movie?

If I had made the movie, the robot would have added chainsaws and lazers to his exoskeleton and taken over the world, ruling mankind with an iron fist ( litteraly ) for billions of years, until an unpreventable catastrophe destroys the universe.

Now that's a movie.



# 4 The Matrix

There exists a technology that can make all humans live a perfect life. No limits. You could be superman. You could be the president. Whatever. Everyone could be and do whatever they want. That's basically the human dream right there. No poverty, no classes, no bullshit. They give a cop-out in the movie about how people didn't accept it when they tried. This is so stupid-sounding that I won't even acknowledge it as an out from the writers.

So anyway they orchestrate some shitty underground rebellion that costs thousands of humans lives and for what? To live below the ground forever, eating gray paste and sleeping on bunk beds. And the final insult to our intelligence is that the robots actually need the humans to want to be in the Matrix, alive and well for as long as possible so there's not even any threat that they'd wipe humans out. In fact they would willingly cooperate to make humans happy in the Matrix.



#3 Lord of the Rings

Ok, seriously, is it that hard to smuggle a ring into some giant empty wasteland and dump it into a volcano? Apparently not because all it took is two clumsy midgets to do it. For some reason, Gandalf, the great super-powerful wizard couldn't do it. He's been visiting Bilbo for 50 years with the ring right in his face and suddenly: NOOOOOOO PLEASE, DON'T PUT IT NEAR ME! IT WOULD TEMPT ME TOO MUCH! Yeah right.



Yeah they live in a world with giant eagles but they're too stupid to just get a bunch of them together and dump the stupid ring in the volcano. There, 10 minutes, done.

#2 Everyone in Harry Potter

Ok I haven't seen or read the ending of this shitburger. But I have low expectations. So for those smart enough to have stayed away from these movies: there is a really evil guy who threatens the entire world and who uses forbidden spells. What's forbidden about them? Are they hard to do? Do they take some kind of toll on your soul? What? No, they're just forbidden by law. One of them is the spell to kill. All you do is point, say the words and bam, it kills whatever you're aiming at. But none of the good guys will use it, ever.

Ok let me break it down for you: it's like a gun duel between Billy the Kid and Billy the Kid who chose not to bring his gun.

Nothing is preventing the government from using the spells against evil people. Nothing. And it's not like they're usually really lenient or peaceful. These nutters have tons of life or death rituals to test the kids and horrific ghosts to guard their prisons. But no, can't kill the people who want to kill us. Blabla stupid.


I AR AM ONE INDIGO CHILDREN!!


#1 Aladdin

This really takes the cake as far as making spectacularly bad calls goes.

Here's what you do with the stupid lamp: pass it to Jasmine. Have her wish for some random rapist to be turned into a genie. There, now use the criminal to make more genies and more wishes.And that's the hardcore selfish dictator method where you don't even need to pass the lamp around to get 3 new wishes every time. All the problems in the world are solved. Aladdin is a selfish sack of shit. He'll get to live the rest of his life as a sultan while the rest of the world has to starve and sit in a dark cold corner and suck it hard.

I hate him.



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