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I CAN'T WAIT TO GO SEE THE NEW TRANSFORMERS MOVIE!!!
by:Pox
2007/06/30
Update for july 15th 2007: It sucked

I've waited all my life for this! Ever since I saw the cartoon as a kid, and then the animated movie, I've been dreaming of the time when technology would enable a brilliant filmmaker to capture the essence of these noble giants on screen without having to resort to Korean animation sweatshops. I remember when Jurassic Park came out and we all got to see how awesome CGI could be. I could feel my sweet sweet Transformers coming to life.... then came Beat Wars. BOY WHAT A GREAT SHOW. Nothing cooler than to strand a tiny handful of Transformers on some planet instead of giving people what they think they want: dozens of cool robots that turn into vehicles. The cool thing about Beat Wars was how they would turn into animals only so they wouldn't explode or something. There's an episode where all the Autob... I mean "Maximals" are stuck as animals and get their asses mercilessly kicked by the Decept.... er Predacons... Wow what kid wouldn't want to turn his robot into a rat! It was even better when they came back to Cybertron in Beast Machines. There was like 10 different robots for the entire duration of the show. WOW GENIUS. Too bad they haven't done a Perceptor vs Reflector series yet. I'd watch that shit OVER ANY SHOW IMAGINABLE.

And I feel this streak of brilliance will go to the next step with Michael Bay's summer blockbuster "Transformers". Michael is best known for his keen ability to imbue realism into all of his movies, mixing intense action with tear-jerking drama. Who here could hold back his tears as Nicolas Cage desperately signaled allied airplanes to hold their fire at the end of the epic saga "The Rock"? And what would the movie "Pearl Harbor" have been without the 2 hour love triangle between what's-their-faces? Armageddon? Bad Boys II? Playboy Video Centerfold: Kerri Kendall? No wonder Steven Spielberg himself, probably under the calming judgment-enhancing influence of crystal meth, decided to back Transformers.

Now I haven't seen the movie yet, only the trailers, so it's probably unfair for me to judge it. Maybe it will suck major FUCKING BALLS and SPIT ON EVERYTHING THAT US GREASY AGING NERDS HOLD DEAR but surely it will be an epic of Star Wars proportions, touching an entire generation. One of the cool ways in which Michael has chosen to revamp our beloved characters is by changing the one thing that truly was lackluster about them: the way they looked. If there's one thing kids complained about nonstop, it's how lame it was for Optimus to not have flames painting on his hood, or how badass Megatron would be if he looked more like a coral reef.
You can check out the fine work the design people have done for the movie here.

Finally, all my favorite Transformers given a unique shape! No longer restrained by the lame "must look at least somewhat humanoid" rule, we now have cool vehicles that turn into even cooler... like... robots I guess. Well I'm not sure what most of them are supposed to be, but they're not vehicles, so that's what a Transformer basically is! And no more of that "Robots in Disguise" nonsense. What was it anyways? In "disguise" or "in the skies"? No kid could ever get it right, thank God they scrapped that idea and made sure most of the robots in their vehicle mode look nothing like what you'd find on Earth.

Mister Bay promises that the movie will be filled with action but also focus more on Spike Witwicky, resident faggot loser in the original cartoons. Hopefully he'll do as much of a great job with Spike as with the rest of the cast and we can expect him to be a grizzled ex-marine with a dark past who ends up destroying all the decepticons with his newly-acquired cybernetic arms. And maybe he's actually a hot chick too.

I JUST CAN'T WAIT TO SPEND MONEY ON THIS!!!



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